I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
