i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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