After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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