Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
