At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This is classic penis vs brain.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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