It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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