Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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