I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
