was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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