im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
