Redeem this text for a blowjob
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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