i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
