I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
