I just pynch a tree in the face
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
