I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
