woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
