I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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