I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
