his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
