I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
