all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
