If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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