Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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