There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
