So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
