We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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