Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
