I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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