I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
