if i died would you start the facebook group?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
