I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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