Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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