yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
