Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
