this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
