So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
