that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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