today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
