i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
