Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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