I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The struggles of a small town man whore
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
