You work out of a Hotel?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
