I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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