Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
