even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
