i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
