I'll bet she douches with gravy.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
