I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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