I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Pappa wants mamma naked
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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