I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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