I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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