I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
