i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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