a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
